Lovely stuff... not in the least bit offensive

(me mam was a scouser - she tried to deny it all her life!)
A policeman was walking down a street in Toxteth, when he met a diminutive scally carrying a half-brick.
"Dat's an offensive weapon, son!" he said.
"Ah no fkhn way!" said the scally. "It's a deposit on a HD telly!"
M-o-M